Today was really the first day where I went full force from 5am till about 8pmish. I did more than what I could think my body could handle, with how I have been feeling that is. Normally, with everything I did today (housework, lotttss of laundry, yard work & taking care of Hazel) I poop out and have to force myself to continue through the day. Today, I could have kept going if it weren't for the beautiful weather outside :)
Here I was thinking my life was over because I was going to feel miserable all the time. Boy, was I wrong. I haven't felt this great since Hazel was conceived! I have so much energy, (compared to what I did have before) and I feel...'normal'.
I have been trying to weigh myself just so I can give an accurate view as to where I am with everything. So far, I am still at 115 lbs, I haven't gained or lost any weight since my surgery. The doctor told me to be prepared to gain up to 50 lbs, but I have yet to see any change.
My TSH is right on the dot. The dr wants me to stay around the range of 2-3, and I am currently at 2.5. Currently, I am taking 50mg, so nothing has changed with my dosage since the surgery.
I've learned that I really need to read my body. If I feel tired, I need to rest. If I overdo it, I do become a bit miserable for awhile. It's good advice to anyone out there to not ignore the signs that your body is giving you. I think that has helped me with this process. A friend of mine had her thyroid removed a few months before me, and that is the advice she gave to me...and I swear by it.
It always helps to have someone out there to give you a view on what you are going through, but I have also learned that not everyone is the same with the healing process. I think a lot of it is mind over matter...If you think things are going to be bad, they will. If you think things are going to be good, they are.
My scar is healing very nicely! I really don't think that it is going to show very much, if at all, once it is done healing.
So, so far so good. I feel great, I feel healthy, and I feel like I can finally go about living the life that I wanted to for so long :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Journey.
Yesterday was such a beautiful day out, about 65 degrees. I thought it would be a good idea for me to go for a nice stroll with my husband and daughter, and of course the pup :) We didn't go too far, and I was already feeling the exhaustion kick in. It is amazing how just a little walk poops me out now. It makes me feel like I've been sitting on my butt for years. I think this is the hardest adjustment I've had to deal with! I have been pooping out around 7-8pm every night, most nights passing out right after that.
Today, I felt a bit rejuvenated. I found that if I took my synthroid (50mg) on an empty stomach in the morning (no other medicines taken with it, so that the synthroid can completely absorb) and then eat about 30 minutes later, I feel a lot better than if I just took the synthroid and went on my way. Also, I have been trying to take it at the same time each morning, usually around 7am. I started vitamins to help out with the energy part of all of this, just a women's multivitamin. I felt great this morning, and afternoon...as if I had never even had surgery.
I had my stitches removed this afternoon! It feels sooo much better, no more strings poking me in the neck when I turn my head, and no more of my daughter pulling on them :) One side was stuck, so they had a hard time getting it out, so that was a bit uncomfortable, but all in all, if you can handle a pinch, you can handle having your stitches removed. My doctor did a fantastic job with my incision. I think it is going to heal nicely.
I think I had mentioned before that I was having hot flashes, if not...I have been having hot flashes on and off, I feel like I am going through menopause ;) Anyway, I talked to the dr. about it today, and she thought that my TSH levels were just a bit low, so I had blood drawn to have that tested. Hopefully I will know tomorrow.
I'm still having a bit of a problem with the whole 'disconnected' feeling. Hopefully that will go away soon, I feel sorry for my husband! He has been such an amazing sport throughout this journey, I am truly blessed to have him in my life. I'm one lucky lady!
So far, no new symptoms, and the exhaustion is getting much better. If I could stay awake past 9pm, then I'd be set :)
Today, I felt a bit rejuvenated. I found that if I took my synthroid (50mg) on an empty stomach in the morning (no other medicines taken with it, so that the synthroid can completely absorb) and then eat about 30 minutes later, I feel a lot better than if I just took the synthroid and went on my way. Also, I have been trying to take it at the same time each morning, usually around 7am. I started vitamins to help out with the energy part of all of this, just a women's multivitamin. I felt great this morning, and afternoon...as if I had never even had surgery.
I had my stitches removed this afternoon! It feels sooo much better, no more strings poking me in the neck when I turn my head, and no more of my daughter pulling on them :) One side was stuck, so they had a hard time getting it out, so that was a bit uncomfortable, but all in all, if you can handle a pinch, you can handle having your stitches removed. My doctor did a fantastic job with my incision. I think it is going to heal nicely.
I think I had mentioned before that I was having hot flashes, if not...I have been having hot flashes on and off, I feel like I am going through menopause ;) Anyway, I talked to the dr. about it today, and she thought that my TSH levels were just a bit low, so I had blood drawn to have that tested. Hopefully I will know tomorrow.
I'm still having a bit of a problem with the whole 'disconnected' feeling. Hopefully that will go away soon, I feel sorry for my husband! He has been such an amazing sport throughout this journey, I am truly blessed to have him in my life. I'm one lucky lady!
So far, no new symptoms, and the exhaustion is getting much better. If I could stay awake past 9pm, then I'd be set :)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Adjusting.
Today was not the easiest of days I've had so far. I woke up this morning and when I got out of bed, I felt like I was drunk. I had a hard time adjusting my eyes to see things, and I had a really hard time with my balance. I've been really tired today, and mostly have just been a couch potato. It was a really awkward feeling. You know that feeling when you are so tired, but yet you can't sleep? I've been like that all day. No matter how hard I tried to sleep, it really didn't happen. The only time I slept today was with Hazel. She took a nap on my chest, I think she just kind of calmed me down a bit.
I've been having problems with my temperature...of my body that is. I'm always so hot, and there really isn't anything I can do to ease it. I was told this could happen. I feel like I am going through menopause! I guess it will prepare me in the future ;)
I'm still having issues with connecting. I know this is going to make me sound like the most horrible mom in the world, but I know it's due to the thyroid. I didn't want anything to do with Hazel really. I didn't feel like taking care of her, or having the responsibility. It was nice to cuddle with her once in awhile, but I just had a hard time when she would start getting ancy or crying. I'm hoping that symptom passes soon, because it kills me that I can't bond with my own child.
So besides the feeling of emptiness, and tiredness...nothing has changed symptom wise yet. Hopefully things will get better soon!
I've been having problems with my temperature...of my body that is. I'm always so hot, and there really isn't anything I can do to ease it. I was told this could happen. I feel like I am going through menopause! I guess it will prepare me in the future ;)
I'm still having issues with connecting. I know this is going to make me sound like the most horrible mom in the world, but I know it's due to the thyroid. I didn't want anything to do with Hazel really. I didn't feel like taking care of her, or having the responsibility. It was nice to cuddle with her once in awhile, but I just had a hard time when she would start getting ancy or crying. I'm hoping that symptom passes soon, because it kills me that I can't bond with my own child.
So besides the feeling of emptiness, and tiredness...nothing has changed symptom wise yet. Hopefully things will get better soon!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Recovery.
Symptoms that I was under the impression that I would have for the first couple of weeks post op:
Picture shown is scar one week post op. *Keep in mind I had a total thyroidectomy, some people only have half, which would be a much smaller scar*
- Numbness and tingling feeling around lips, hands, and feet
- Crawly feeling in skin
- Muscle cramps and spasms
- Bad headaches
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Difficulty projecting voice
- Hoarse voice
- Voice fatigue
- Decreased vocal range
I am a week post op, and so far, the only symptom that I have had is a hoarse voice, which lasted about three days. I haven't had any of the other symptoms that they warned me about.
After surgery you are considered to have a 'hypothyroid' - an under active thyroid.
I went from hyperthyroid to hypothyroid before my surgery and was prescribed 25mg of Synthroid, which I had been on for two months prior to surgery. I was told that being on the medicine prior to surgery would not help stable my TSH (thyroid hormone) levels any faster or slower.
Hypothyroidism Symptoms:
- Fatigue
- Feeling run down and sluggish
- Depression
- Difficulty concentrating, brain fog
- Unexplained or excessive weight gain
- Dry itchy skin
- Thinning hair
- Constipation
- Feeling cold
- Muscle cramps
- Increased menstrual flows, and more frequent periods
- Infertility/miscarriage
Before my surgery I had the following symptoms:
- Fatigue
- Feeling run down and sluggish
- Difficulty concentrating, brain fog
- Dry itchy skin
- Thinning hair
- Constipation
The worst symptom for me was just the sluggish feeling, where I couldn't find any energy to do anything. Walking up the stairs was even a task for me at times. I didn't gain any weight prior to surgery, in fact, I was at a low of 99 lbs for a few weeks.
So far, the only symptom that I have experienced post op is feeling fatigued, sluggish. I do feel better with the other symptoms since I had my thyroid removed, and I have not gained any weight. I have lost 2 lbs since my surgery, probably in part to not eating the best, but, being hypo, I was expected to gain at least 5 lbs in the first two weeks.
The doctor's really gave me an unrealistic view of what was going to happen. Ask questions, my doctor's basically just told me that it was for the best, and I'd feel better afterward. I didn't get the information I needed, and wasn't smart enough to stay and ask more questions. I felt rushed most of the time.
The doctor's really gave me an unrealistic view of what was going to happen. Ask questions, my doctor's basically just told me that it was for the best, and I'd feel better afterward. I didn't get the information I needed, and wasn't smart enough to stay and ask more questions. I felt rushed most of the time.
The hardest part for me right now is taking care of my daughter. She is a ball on energy, so it really takes everything I have. I really have to push myself to get up and play with her, change her diaper, feed her, etc.
I also can say I feel a bit disconnected from everything. I will probably have to blame that on being so tired. It isn't really a 'depression', or 'anxiety' feeling. I just feel numb. I'm having a hard time bonding with friends, family, my pets...etc. It's a really hard feeling to explain. Almost an out of body experience, where I feel like I am floating over everyone and watching, but I'm not really there.
I also have a bit of a hard time with my scar. I know it is just a battle wound, but I've had people comment on it already, and it just makes me feel like Frankenstein. I'm sure some people out there can relate to me on that one. There are a lot of treatments for scars, so I'm sure it will fade in time. I work with customers all day so it is just embarrassing.
For now, I'm doing ok. I'm just really tired for the most part. I have had a weakened appetite, but I think again, just because I'm so tired. I'll keep updating my blog as the weeks go by.
Discovering.
Having Hazel was no easy task, it was an extremely difficult pregnancy, followed by a hard birth. I ended up having a cesarian section on July 27, 2010. It was all worth it though! Hazel was colic, and had MSPI, so it was hard for the first couple of months. I figured I was just really tired from having to get up every 2 hours, and having problems with trying to nurse her. I thought it would pass as soon as she started sleeping through the night. I lost all of my baby weight in the first two weeks, and continued to lose weight - I only gained a total of 9 lbs during the whole pregnancy. I started at 140 lbs (pre pregnancy) and ended up at 110 lbs by September.
Hazel, my mom, and my grandma all made a trip to Arizona in November of 2010 to see my great-grandma. Hazel is the fifth generation, so we wanted to make a trip out there for her to meet her great-great grandma. It was a great trip. We stayed in the mountains, it was so serene and relaxing. I had people to watch Hazel - grandma, great-grandma, and great-great auntie, so it was nice to have a little 'break' without having to leave her behind.
I had been sick for about a week before we left for the trip, I thought it was just from exhaustion, maybe just a cold. After we arrived in Arizona, I started having some weird symptoms. I thought I was just suffering from altitude sickness, I was having a hard time breathing, and my heart was skipping beats, and racing. I was extremely fatigued. Everyone said I was as white as a ghost. My great-aunt is a nurse, and she said that it sounded like I had a heart problem - she used a big word, but I can't remember what it was ;) I decided to go to the doctor when I got back home just to make sure I was ok.
The doctor ended up ordering me to wear a heart monitor and have blood drawn. The heart monitor was stupid to me, but I wore it anyway. Two days after I had the monitor stuck to me, they found that I had hyperthyroidism, which is where the thyroid is overactive. The doctor recommended me to an endocrinologist. Luckily, I found a very understanding one not too far from where I work, so it has been easy to slip in and out to get tests done.
Dr. W (endocrinologist, I'd rather not use her name) ordered for me to have a radioactive iodine uptake test. I had to stop nursing for a week and couldn't be around Hazel for a few days. That was the hardest part for me! They soon found that I had a nodule on my right side of my thyroid. This led to having a biopsy of the nodule. They also found that the hyperthyroidism was actually postpartum hyperthyroidism, which is actually very common after pregnancies...and that is why I probably would have never found the nodule if I didn't have Hazel.
**For most, the biopsy seems scary...but it really wasn't bad at all. They numbed my neck with lidocaine, and waited for it to numb up. They inserted a needle with the help of an ultrasound. I didn't feel a thing. It really just felt like some pressure, like a finger poking at my throat. I did end up with some bruising just because I coughed on accident and the needle moved. When they say don't breathe, it doesn't mean that something bad is going to happen when they insert the needle, it just makes it easier to get the sample. That was scary for me, just because, again, all the posts had negative remarks about having the biopsy. Honestly, if you can pinch yourself and handle that, you can handle the biopsy. They insert the needle, and move it up and down fast to collect sample tissue in the needle. They have to do about 4 samples, just to make sure they can get a good sample to the lab.**
After the test results came back it was discovered that I did, in fact, have papillary thyroid cancer. I knew that this was going to happen sometime in my life, beings it is the number one type of cancer caused by radiation exposure. I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. I tried radiation to get rid of the nodule, but that soon proved to not be effective. After talking with Dr. W, I decided it was probably just best to remove the whole thyroid, so that it didn't spread and cause further problems. Dr. W warned me that I would feel tired, and gain weight after the surgery, but she didn't give me a lot of information on it.
As anyone would do, I did a lot of research. All I found was that people had a really hard time regulating on their medications, that they a lot of weight, had a lot of panic attacks and emotional problems, and regretted having their thyroid removed. Naturally, this scared me. How was I supposed to raise a child and feel like crap all the time? How was I going to emotionally cope with all of this change. Having your thyroid removed was supposed to be a big shock to your body.
I went into the surgical room still upset, not clear about if I had made the right choice. But I really had to think of Hazel, I wanted to be healthy for her, so she could live a great life without having to worry about her mama. I had surgery to remove my thyroid on March 29th. I came out of surgery, feeling like I had just woke up from a coma of years. I had no energy, and they had so much morphine in me. I think the day of and the day after surgery were the worst...but I'm going to blame most of that on the drugs they gave me. I was in a daze most of the first day. I don't remember too much. I did have issues going to the bathroom because my bladder would just 'lock' up and nothing would come out. Luckily, I didn't have to have a catheter, but it was still uncomfortable. The second day, I was just extremely tired, and my throat hurt really bad, similar to strep throat. I was really emotional about the scar I was going to have, just because I have so many as it is. They did a really nice job on it though, it is right where my collar bones meet, and is pretty thin. I think it will heal nicely, and hopefully not be so noticeable with time.
Hazel, my mom, and my grandma all made a trip to Arizona in November of 2010 to see my great-grandma. Hazel is the fifth generation, so we wanted to make a trip out there for her to meet her great-great grandma. It was a great trip. We stayed in the mountains, it was so serene and relaxing. I had people to watch Hazel - grandma, great-grandma, and great-great auntie, so it was nice to have a little 'break' without having to leave her behind.
I had been sick for about a week before we left for the trip, I thought it was just from exhaustion, maybe just a cold. After we arrived in Arizona, I started having some weird symptoms. I thought I was just suffering from altitude sickness, I was having a hard time breathing, and my heart was skipping beats, and racing. I was extremely fatigued. Everyone said I was as white as a ghost. My great-aunt is a nurse, and she said that it sounded like I had a heart problem - she used a big word, but I can't remember what it was ;) I decided to go to the doctor when I got back home just to make sure I was ok.
The doctor ended up ordering me to wear a heart monitor and have blood drawn. The heart monitor was stupid to me, but I wore it anyway. Two days after I had the monitor stuck to me, they found that I had hyperthyroidism, which is where the thyroid is overactive. The doctor recommended me to an endocrinologist. Luckily, I found a very understanding one not too far from where I work, so it has been easy to slip in and out to get tests done.
Dr. W (endocrinologist, I'd rather not use her name) ordered for me to have a radioactive iodine uptake test. I had to stop nursing for a week and couldn't be around Hazel for a few days. That was the hardest part for me! They soon found that I had a nodule on my right side of my thyroid. This led to having a biopsy of the nodule. They also found that the hyperthyroidism was actually postpartum hyperthyroidism, which is actually very common after pregnancies...and that is why I probably would have never found the nodule if I didn't have Hazel.
**For most, the biopsy seems scary...but it really wasn't bad at all. They numbed my neck with lidocaine, and waited for it to numb up. They inserted a needle with the help of an ultrasound. I didn't feel a thing. It really just felt like some pressure, like a finger poking at my throat. I did end up with some bruising just because I coughed on accident and the needle moved. When they say don't breathe, it doesn't mean that something bad is going to happen when they insert the needle, it just makes it easier to get the sample. That was scary for me, just because, again, all the posts had negative remarks about having the biopsy. Honestly, if you can pinch yourself and handle that, you can handle the biopsy. They insert the needle, and move it up and down fast to collect sample tissue in the needle. They have to do about 4 samples, just to make sure they can get a good sample to the lab.**
After the test results came back it was discovered that I did, in fact, have papillary thyroid cancer. I knew that this was going to happen sometime in my life, beings it is the number one type of cancer caused by radiation exposure. I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. I tried radiation to get rid of the nodule, but that soon proved to not be effective. After talking with Dr. W, I decided it was probably just best to remove the whole thyroid, so that it didn't spread and cause further problems. Dr. W warned me that I would feel tired, and gain weight after the surgery, but she didn't give me a lot of information on it.
As anyone would do, I did a lot of research. All I found was that people had a really hard time regulating on their medications, that they a lot of weight, had a lot of panic attacks and emotional problems, and regretted having their thyroid removed. Naturally, this scared me. How was I supposed to raise a child and feel like crap all the time? How was I going to emotionally cope with all of this change. Having your thyroid removed was supposed to be a big shock to your body.
I went into the surgical room still upset, not clear about if I had made the right choice. But I really had to think of Hazel, I wanted to be healthy for her, so she could live a great life without having to worry about her mama. I had surgery to remove my thyroid on March 29th. I came out of surgery, feeling like I had just woke up from a coma of years. I had no energy, and they had so much morphine in me. I think the day of and the day after surgery were the worst...but I'm going to blame most of that on the drugs they gave me. I was in a daze most of the first day. I don't remember too much. I did have issues going to the bathroom because my bladder would just 'lock' up and nothing would come out. Luckily, I didn't have to have a catheter, but it was still uncomfortable. The second day, I was just extremely tired, and my throat hurt really bad, similar to strep throat. I was really emotional about the scar I was going to have, just because I have so many as it is. They did a really nice job on it though, it is right where my collar bones meet, and is pretty thin. I think it will heal nicely, and hopefully not be so noticeable with time.
The Beginning.
It all started in April of 1986. My parents were stationed in Germany (they were in the army). My mom was a few months pregnant with me at the time. Then, Chernobyl happened. This is where all my medical problems have stemmed from. Even though it was in Ukraine, it was such a bad nuclear explosion that it reached parts of Germany. Unfortunately, my parents were not evacuated in time, so lucky for me (taste the sarcasm), I was affected by the radiation. Luckily, I was not physically deformed, just cursed to live the rest of my life living with multiple types of cancer, and not knowing if I'd ever be healthy. Even though somedays in the past I had wished I had just suffered from some kind of deformity, I thank God I didn't. In this society, we all know I would have been deemed a 'freak' and would live a miserable life from emotional abuse from my peers. I do have an enormous amount of respect for anyone that does have to live with this, I know it can't be easy. Although it has been rough trying to beat all the cancers I have had, I feel blessed that I have been able to find everything in the early stages, so it has been fairly easy to conquer the disease.
I first discovered that I had cancer when I was 19. They say sometimes it can take up to 20 years for the radiation to start taking affect in your body. This was the case for me. I went in for a regular check up, and they found abnormal cells on my cervix. A lot of people thought I had an STD when I told them I had cervical cancer. This bothered me, because it made me feel like a 'slut', that I was just a dirty person. This was not the case by any means. There have been several cases in women affected by Chernobyl that have suffered from cervical or uterine cancer. It took me awhile to get over the initial shock that I had cancer, but eventually it sunk in, and I learned to live with it. From there on out, I have been battling cervical cancer. It has come back 4 times total, each time requiring radiation (which seemed weird to me beings I had cancer due to radiation), and part of my cervix to be removed. I went through a lot of painful tests through all of this process. But somehow, I always seemed to keep my head up.
It's never easy being diagnosed with cancer, even if it is something you catch in the beginning stages. When you hear the word cancer, you automatically think of losing all of your hair, and dying. It's hard to get over that initial shock, but luckily for me, I had an amazing support system. There have been people that have judged me several times for having cervical cancer, but I just have to keep reminding myself that they just don't understand the situation in whole. Cervical cancer doesn't always mean you have a sexually transmitted disease, so I think that is the hardest part I had with it after getting over the initial shock.
They told me I was not going to be able to have children, that if I did get pregnant, I wouldn't be able to carry to full term. This soon proved to be true having 7 miscarriages before the age of 25. I was finally able to have a beautiful baby girl, Hazel, in July of 2010. This is what lead me to discover I had thyroid cancer. I probably would never have found I had cancer if it weren't for having Hazel. I thank God every day for this beautiful little miracle.
I first discovered that I had cancer when I was 19. They say sometimes it can take up to 20 years for the radiation to start taking affect in your body. This was the case for me. I went in for a regular check up, and they found abnormal cells on my cervix. A lot of people thought I had an STD when I told them I had cervical cancer. This bothered me, because it made me feel like a 'slut', that I was just a dirty person. This was not the case by any means. There have been several cases in women affected by Chernobyl that have suffered from cervical or uterine cancer. It took me awhile to get over the initial shock that I had cancer, but eventually it sunk in, and I learned to live with it. From there on out, I have been battling cervical cancer. It has come back 4 times total, each time requiring radiation (which seemed weird to me beings I had cancer due to radiation), and part of my cervix to be removed. I went through a lot of painful tests through all of this process. But somehow, I always seemed to keep my head up.
It's never easy being diagnosed with cancer, even if it is something you catch in the beginning stages. When you hear the word cancer, you automatically think of losing all of your hair, and dying. It's hard to get over that initial shock, but luckily for me, I had an amazing support system. There have been people that have judged me several times for having cervical cancer, but I just have to keep reminding myself that they just don't understand the situation in whole. Cervical cancer doesn't always mean you have a sexually transmitted disease, so I think that is the hardest part I had with it after getting over the initial shock.
They told me I was not going to be able to have children, that if I did get pregnant, I wouldn't be able to carry to full term. This soon proved to be true having 7 miscarriages before the age of 25. I was finally able to have a beautiful baby girl, Hazel, in July of 2010. This is what lead me to discover I had thyroid cancer. I probably would never have found I had cancer if it weren't for having Hazel. I thank God every day for this beautiful little miracle.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)